Yesterday, my boss at my journalism job dropped the following letter on my desk. Some things are pretty much beyond commentary. So I have retyped it for your enjoyment. Make of it what you will:
I am happy to congratulate you on your first year of service with Reed Business Information. As a part of the RBI team, you have added value to the company while helping to achieve our organization's strategic goals.
Formally recognizing your time and service is one aspect of RBI's commitment to your success. Under the Reed Elsevier conviction of Valuing Our People [ed's note: yes, that is capitalized in the letter], we feel it is important to recognize those who stay with RBI in the long run. After five years of employment and every five years thereafter, you will be eligible for the RBI Service Recognition program, which offers a memento gift and an announcement in the company newsletter marking your anniversary. [ed's note: I am told the memento gifts include a film camera -- not digital -- and a picture frame]
The service you provide to the company ensures our continued success and innovation. It also helps you achieve your own professional development and growth. RBI supports employees who seek out internal growth opportunities, and we embrace teh efforts of those who wish to be continually challenges and stimulated in their careers.
Again, congratulations on your first year with RBI. I wish you great success in the future.
Chief Executive Officer
(As you might suspect, his signature is very obviously printed by a computer)